Freitag, 20. November 2009

Face the truth, or not?

Daul Kims suicide caused a lot of blog posts, comments, condolence, news and taking-the-inward-turn to many people. Some bloggers (like Lulu Chang) spoke truly and once again revealed that they´re not the lucky girls that people think they are.

I´m a kind of girl who self-reflects herself everyday in every moment. When I read Lulu´s words I thought: "How can you indirect offend all of the other bloggers who created a perfect world in the world wide web?!? Maybe they need it."

But then I realised that she was so right. Why create a blog in which you just show your almost perfect life (I´m still not good in doing that; there are many posts in which I decry myself)?

Always just posting the positive and beautiful things, showing the world that you´re living a perfect life?! For whom? Nobody´s going to feel better when you´re keeping an superficial blog, just wanting other bloggers or readers to envy you, follow you and tell you how beautiful and great you are.

When I began to blog I never wanted to run such a personal blog Lulu described, but it literally turned to one of those. How I recognized that?

- Sometimes I buy stuff just because I think it would look great in a pic of this blog
- I myself am the one who envies other bloggers (for a fucking pair of shoes or the figure)
- I´ve achieved a person in this blog which is not really me, but when I´m surfing around in the blogosphere I really do think that I´m this person who sits in front of her PC, dressed up from head to toe
- I´m posting about food because I love food; but I really do hate eating it:
The whole concept of me is dishonest
EDIT: No, I looove eating! ;o)
- The world is not ideal, I´m pretending it
- I´m controlled by the fear that my blog will be found from people I know (or from my region) and that they get to know me more than I want to; an idealized Laarni is not attackable (but on the other side I´m flattered when I get in touch with people who want to report about me)

Why I´m telling the world (or five readers;...; oh, there´s the decrying Laarni again) all of this?
Maybe it´s a winter depression, a moment of loneliness or because a 20 year-old Supermodel, who in the eyes of many people ought to be a happy girl, commited suicide.

It could happen that I´m going to delete this post in a while again: the inner monster in me, who wanted to create this enviable blogger, may prevail and end the honesty. Thanks for reading.

P. S. Gosh, there are really many skin-deep blogs out there!

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