or: go trough the stony way with personal conflicts?
It´s hard to find the right path in life that you want to tread. As long as I went to school and also during my studies I always was someone who got along with everybody, never rubbed somebody the wrong way.
But since I´ve started working and got to know really different kinds of people with different characters, from different places or with a different faith I had to think about my inner part of an innocent girl, being friendly to everybody, just to be liked. Every day I agonize what every single person I meet at the day might have been thinking about me. Especially when I fail or my team is failing I almost become insane. Maybe two years ago nobody recognized when I got angry about that. But then I realized that this had to stop: Everything I bottled up inside corroded me likewise. So: First be the beloved one and enjoy your life! Then:
Daul Kims suicide caused a lot of blog posts, comments, condolence, news and taking-the-inward-turn to many people. Some bloggers (like Lulu Chang) spoke truly and once again revealed that they´re not the lucky girls that people think they are.
I´m a kind of girl who self-reflects herself everyday in every moment. When I read Lulu´s words I thought: "How can you indirect offend all of the other bloggers who created a perfect world in the world wide web?!? Maybe they need it."
But then I realised that she was so right. Why create a blog in which you just show your almost perfect life (I´m still not good in doing that; there are many posts in which I decry myself)?
Always just posting the positive and beautiful things, showing the world that you´re living a perfect life?! For whom? Nobody´s going to feel better when you´re keeping an superficial blog, just wanting other bloggers or readers to envy you, follow you and tell you how beautiful and great you are.
When I began to blog I never wanted to run such a personal blog Lulu described, but it literally turned to one of those. How I recognized that?
- Sometimes I buy stuff just because I think it would look great in a pic of this blog - I myself am the one who envies other bloggers (for a fucking pair of shoes or the figure) - I´ve achieved a person in this blog which is not really me, but when I´m surfing around in the blogosphere I really do think that I´m this person who sits in front of her PC, dressed up from head to toe - I´m posting about food because I love food; but I really do hate eating it: The whole concept of me is dishonest EDIT: No, I looove eating! ;o) - The world is not ideal, I´m pretending it - I´m controlled by the fear that my blog will be found from people I know (or from my region) and that they get to know me more than I want to; an idealized Laarni is not attackable (but on the other side I´m flattered when I get in touch with people who want to report about me)
Why I´m telling the world (or five readers;...; oh, there´s the decrying Laarni again) all of this? Maybe it´s a winter depression, a moment of loneliness or because a 20 year-old Supermodel, who in the eyes of many people ought to be a happy girl, commited suicide.
It could happen that I´m going to delete this post in a while again: the inner monster in me, who wanted to create this enviable blogger, may prevail and end the honesty. Thanks for reading.
P. S. Gosh, there are really many skin-deep blogs out there!
Today I got to know Tina, who is a student of journalism at our university here in Wilhelmshaven. Why I got to know her?
She contacted me and asked if I would be interested in an interview with her and tell her more about blogging and stuff like that. Her aspiration is to report about the local blogosphere here in Wilhelmshaven, to explain the motif of blogging and to discuss if blogging is a kind of journalism for the modern world, even for young and old people.
Hopefully I´m able to show you the result in March, when the insert "impuls.nordwest" will be published with the daily newspapers of this region.
Really, I like flowers and plants, trees and all of the flora and fauna. I really do. But not the way my neighbors do:
I didn´t say anything when they temporarily stored their garbage in the hall with some smell I almost pughed from (I really almost did!!). I didn´t complain when there was a little flower standing there. But during the last week this jungle increased and I´m feeling threatend by some ignorant neighbors.
Of course I had to shop this tights á la Chanel from Asos. Everybody confirmed that I had beautiful long legs (I´m such a cheater with these tights!). I was so glad that I ordered these must haves some months ago!
I was in a hurry to be ready in time to have some dinner with my friend Jessica; but some time for a quick outfit check was left:
jacket: Lauren by Ralph Lauren (from shoes and your mom)
whole outfit: H&M and stuff
bag: miu miu
This year I really fell in love with shorts in various cuts and patterns. I don´t want to leave them just because it´s winter..
Grilled sweet corn, yummy
Black Angus 300gr., just enough to live ;o)
Jessica was (eating) the lamb..
By the way:
My boyfriend presented me this bangle made of rose gold with a white gold detail, pimped up with diamonds.
Why I deserved that?! ;o)
The ring is a current present from my mom. The story of this ring is that she thought she lost it. When she recieved it back she was so glad and I felt so happy with her. My luck was that the ring doesn´t fit her anymore so that I´m the new owner! hihi
Today I drove past Joe Jackson at our coastal promenade. The whole day I was thinking of how I would have reacted when I past by as a pedestrian.
In my childhood I was a huge Michael Jackson fan, including the collection of pillows and other memorabilia. Due to this on the one hand I really felt annoyance towards this foreign man without actually knowing the truth of the whole Jackson story.
On the other hand I saw a little, old man, walking behind this tall bodyguard, but otherwise completely alone. Isolated from all the rumors in my eyes a pitiful man.
One evening my bf called me to bring him some clothes to the hospital; he had a cruciate rupture and broke his tibial plateau.
Okay, I had to take care of him for one week but didn´t know that I by myself had a needle in my left foot for two weeks. After two painy days (I had the needle in for 10! days already) I was sent to have an X-ray. Tada, the needle was found and Adamo and me shared the same room! Hihi
As a result of Nina´s prevention at my little family celebration for my diploma we went to the Columbia for dinner today. For me that meant having some fine food again, compared with my favourite fashionvictim!